Sayangku...the high need baby?
Written on Sunday, October 21, 2007 by mummyvaio
We have come to a new conclusion...sayangku...might be a high need baby...it is not a bad thing...it is just what she is...this article taken from dr sears web page.The bold ones are sayangku's traits...
12 FEATURES OF A HIGH NEED BABY
"Why is my baby so different? She is not like any of my friends' babies. They sleep through the night. They're happy being held by anyone. My friends don't seem as tired as I am. What am I doing wrong?"
Sound familiar? Your baby acts the way she does because that's the way she is. Your baby acts the way she does, not because of your parenting, but because of her personality.
1. "INTENSE"
You can read the intensity of the baby's feelings in her body language. The fists are clenched, back arched, muscles tensed, as if ready for action. Intense babies become the intense toddlers, characterized by one word -- "driven." They seem in high gear all the time. Their drive to explore and experiment with everything in reach leaves no household item safe. Some high need toddlers maneuver around the house carefully, but most do not. These babies run headlong toward a desired object, seemingly oblivious of everything in their path. Soon it dawns on you that the same behavioral trait that can exhaust you will also delight you. The same drive that gets your toddler into trouble also leads him to a level of creativity toward which other children may not venture. Your job is to help him drive more carefully and on roads that he can handle.
2. "HYPERACTIVE
Parents, remember that, like all the words used to describe high need children, the term "hyperactive" is not a negative tag. At what point a normally active child becomes a "hyperactive" child is a judgment call. Calling your busy toddler hyperactive does not mean he will be burdened with this label forever, or that he will someday be tagged hyperactive by a school psychologist. This term just describes how your child acts, without making any judgment about whether it's good or bad. "Hyperactive" in an infant or toddler is not a disorder, it's a description.
3. "DRAINING"
High need babies extract every bit of energy from tired parents -- and then want more. Though parents use the term "draining," it's not a clear analogy. What you give your baby doesn't go down the drain. Perhaps "siphoning" is a more accurate term because what you are really doing is transferring much of your energy into your baby's tank to help her thrive. You will need to muster up as much of a positive attitude as you can; try to think of these "draining" days as "giving" days. This will help get you through those high-maintenance early months.
Many mothers seem to have an internal energy gauge that magically brings in more fuel just as the tank nears empty. There will be days of incessant holding with no breaks. But just when you feel you can't cope with another day of giving, you get a second wind, and suddenly you can relax and enjoy your baby's unique personality blooming. It's as if baby senses mother's breaking point and backs off a bit. There probably won't be any days off, but some days will be less difficult than others.
4. "FEEDS FREQUENTLY"
As you advance toward your mid-terms in baby comforting, you will soon learn that feeding is not only a source of nutrition, it's an easy tool for comforting. Studies show that babies who are fed frequently, as needed, cry less than infants who are fed on a more rigid parent-controlled schedule. In cultures where babies rarely cry (there are such places), infants breastfeed around twenty times a day. Researchers have attributed the mellowness of the babies in these cultures to the effect of frequent feeding on the overall organizing of the baby's biological systems."Schedule" is not in the high need baby's vocabulary. Early on these smart infants learn that the breast or bottle is not only a source of nutrition, but also a source of comfort. In fact, research has shown that non-nutritive sucking (sucking for comfort more than food) is one of the earliest ways babies learn to settle.
5. "DEMANDING"
High need babies don't just merely request feeding and holding, they demand it -- loudly. This feature more than any of the others pushes parents' buttons, causing them to feel manipulated and controlled. Adults who are stuck in the "parenting equals control" mindset may have great difficulty realizing that babies' demands equal communication, not control.
Being demanding is the trait of high need children that is most likely to drive parents bananas, but it is also the trait that drives children to succeed and excel. A high need child with a corresponding demanding personality will, if nurtured and channeled appropriately during the formative years, exhaust teachers as she did her parents; yet she will also be able to extract from adult resources, such as teachers, the level of help and education she will need to thrive in academic and social endeavors. This is why it is so important not to squelch an infant's expressiveness. The ability to know one's needs and be able to comfortably express them is a valuable tool for success in life.
As the high need infant grows into a high need toddler and child, parents must also help her learn that her demands must be balanced against the needs of others, so that she can learn to be a likeable and compassionate person as well as a demanding one.
6. "AWAKENS FREQUENTLY"
"Why do high need babies need more of everything but sleep?" groaned a tired mother. You would think that high need babies would need more sleep; certainly their tired parents do.
7. "UNSATISFIED"
Not being able to satisfy a baby's needs is very frustrating for parents of high need babies. It seems like a direct attack on your abilities. After all, isn't a contented baby the hallmark of effective mothering? Wrong! There will be days when you nurse, rock, walk, drive, wear, and try every comforting technique known to man or woman, and nothing will work. Don't take this as a sign of failure. You do the best you can, and the rest is up to the baby. You have not failed as a mother even if your baby is miserable much of the time. This is simply part of his personality. Meanwhile, keep experimenting with one comforting tool after another, and you will eventually discover one that works - - at least for that day. Then you will feel like a genius! Keep your detective hat on to find clues to your baby's discomfort. Constant trial and error is how you build up your baby-soothing abilities.
8. "UNPREDICTABLE"
Along with their unpredictability, these children show extremes of mood swings. When happy, they are a joy to be around; they are master charmers and people pleasers. When angry, they let everyone around them feel the heat.
When he is happy, he is the happiest baby around, but when he is angry he is the worst baby around. He is still that way, sunshine and smiles, anger and daggers. He has no middle emotion.
The child's unpredictability makes your day unpredictable. Do you take him shopping and risk a mega tantrum when his first grocery grabs are thwarted, or will this be a day when he is the model shopping cart baby, charming everyone at the checkout counter?
9. "SUPER-SENSITIVE"
High need babies are keenly aware of the goings-on in their environment. "Easily bothered," "quickly stimulated," "like walking on eggshells" is how parents describe their sensitive babies. High need babies prefer a secure and known environment, and they are quick to protest when their equilibrium is upset. They startle easily during the day (for example, we learned not to turn on the blender if Hayden was anywhere nearby) and settle with difficulty at night. While you can carry on normal family life without waking most sleeping infants, these babies often awaken at the slightest noise. Super-sensitive infants are unlikely to accept substitute caregivers willingly.
10. "CAN'T PUT BABY DOWN"
High need babies crave touch: skin-to-skin contact in your arms, at your breasts, in your bed. They extract whatever physical contact they can from their caregivers. They also crave motion. Holding is not enough; the holder must keep moving. If the holder wants to sit down, it had better be on something that rocks, glides, or swings. This constant holding may be particularly difficult for new parents who expected to have the magazine model baby, the one who lies quietly in the crib gazing at expensive mobiles. This is not the play profile of the high need baby. Parents' arms and bodies are his crib; mother's breasts are his pacifier, and a bouncing lap is his chair. Most high need babies choose to upgrade their accommodations from the crib or playpen to the baby sling. They like to be worn many hours a day because they like the physical contact and they like to be up where the action is. Smart babies.
11. "NOT A SELF-SOOTHER"
Another unrealistic expectation new parents often have is that babies will soothe themselves to sleep with the help of a pacifier, a music box, or some baby-calming gadget. High need babies are smarter than that. They want to interact with people, not things. Parents will often report, "He just can't relax by himself." High need babies need help to fall asleep. They must learn to trust their parents to help them. This will help them learn to relax on their own, a skill that has value for a lifetime. Crying oneself off to sleep is not a good way to learn to relax. The best way for a baby to learn to relax and fall asleep is to have his behavior shaped for him by a parent. Once a child learns to relax on his own, he'll have no trouble falling asleep, when he's tired, on his own.The quality of wanting people instead of things as pacifiers, while initially exhausting, will eventually work to the child's advantage. The child will have a better grasp on interpersonal relationships, especially being comfortable with the quality of intimacy.
12. "SEPARATION SENSITIVE"
The song "Only You," could be the theme of most high need babies. These infants do not readily accept substitute care and are notoriously slow to warm up to strangers. As a mother of a clingy baby described it, "Amanda didn't like new people or new places and seemed to be in a continual phase of separation anxiety. Babysitters wouldn't watch her because of her reputation as a screamer. This was hard on me because I desperately needed a break from the intensity of my child."
It helps to see separation from the baby's viewpoint. To most adults, especially those of the "babies must learn to be independent" mindset, baby and mother should be separate persons, able to function on their own. Babies don't see it that way. In their minds, mother is a part of themselves, and they are part of mother. Mother and baby are one, a complete package. These babies feel right when they feel at one with mother; they feel anxious and frightened when not with mother.
12 FEATURES OF A HIGH NEED BABY
"Why is my baby so different? She is not like any of my friends' babies. They sleep through the night. They're happy being held by anyone. My friends don't seem as tired as I am. What am I doing wrong?"
Sound familiar? Your baby acts the way she does because that's the way she is. Your baby acts the way she does, not because of your parenting, but because of her personality.
1. "INTENSE"
You can read the intensity of the baby's feelings in her body language. The fists are clenched, back arched, muscles tensed, as if ready for action. Intense babies become the intense toddlers, characterized by one word -- "driven." They seem in high gear all the time. Their drive to explore and experiment with everything in reach leaves no household item safe. Some high need toddlers maneuver around the house carefully, but most do not. These babies run headlong toward a desired object, seemingly oblivious of everything in their path. Soon it dawns on you that the same behavioral trait that can exhaust you will also delight you. The same drive that gets your toddler into trouble also leads him to a level of creativity toward which other children may not venture. Your job is to help him drive more carefully and on roads that he can handle.
2. "HYPERACTIVE
Parents, remember that, like all the words used to describe high need children, the term "hyperactive" is not a negative tag. At what point a normally active child becomes a "hyperactive" child is a judgment call. Calling your busy toddler hyperactive does not mean he will be burdened with this label forever, or that he will someday be tagged hyperactive by a school psychologist. This term just describes how your child acts, without making any judgment about whether it's good or bad. "Hyperactive" in an infant or toddler is not a disorder, it's a description.
3. "DRAINING"
High need babies extract every bit of energy from tired parents -- and then want more. Though parents use the term "draining," it's not a clear analogy. What you give your baby doesn't go down the drain. Perhaps "siphoning" is a more accurate term because what you are really doing is transferring much of your energy into your baby's tank to help her thrive. You will need to muster up as much of a positive attitude as you can; try to think of these "draining" days as "giving" days. This will help get you through those high-maintenance early months.
Many mothers seem to have an internal energy gauge that magically brings in more fuel just as the tank nears empty. There will be days of incessant holding with no breaks. But just when you feel you can't cope with another day of giving, you get a second wind, and suddenly you can relax and enjoy your baby's unique personality blooming. It's as if baby senses mother's breaking point and backs off a bit. There probably won't be any days off, but some days will be less difficult than others.
4. "FEEDS FREQUENTLY"
As you advance toward your mid-terms in baby comforting, you will soon learn that feeding is not only a source of nutrition, it's an easy tool for comforting. Studies show that babies who are fed frequently, as needed, cry less than infants who are fed on a more rigid parent-controlled schedule. In cultures where babies rarely cry (there are such places), infants breastfeed around twenty times a day. Researchers have attributed the mellowness of the babies in these cultures to the effect of frequent feeding on the overall organizing of the baby's biological systems."Schedule" is not in the high need baby's vocabulary. Early on these smart infants learn that the breast or bottle is not only a source of nutrition, but also a source of comfort. In fact, research has shown that non-nutritive sucking (sucking for comfort more than food) is one of the earliest ways babies learn to settle.
5. "DEMANDING"
High need babies don't just merely request feeding and holding, they demand it -- loudly. This feature more than any of the others pushes parents' buttons, causing them to feel manipulated and controlled. Adults who are stuck in the "parenting equals control" mindset may have great difficulty realizing that babies' demands equal communication, not control.
Being demanding is the trait of high need children that is most likely to drive parents bananas, but it is also the trait that drives children to succeed and excel. A high need child with a corresponding demanding personality will, if nurtured and channeled appropriately during the formative years, exhaust teachers as she did her parents; yet she will also be able to extract from adult resources, such as teachers, the level of help and education she will need to thrive in academic and social endeavors. This is why it is so important not to squelch an infant's expressiveness. The ability to know one's needs and be able to comfortably express them is a valuable tool for success in life.
As the high need infant grows into a high need toddler and child, parents must also help her learn that her demands must be balanced against the needs of others, so that she can learn to be a likeable and compassionate person as well as a demanding one.
6. "AWAKENS FREQUENTLY"
"Why do high need babies need more of everything but sleep?" groaned a tired mother. You would think that high need babies would need more sleep; certainly their tired parents do.
7. "UNSATISFIED"
Not being able to satisfy a baby's needs is very frustrating for parents of high need babies. It seems like a direct attack on your abilities. After all, isn't a contented baby the hallmark of effective mothering? Wrong! There will be days when you nurse, rock, walk, drive, wear, and try every comforting technique known to man or woman, and nothing will work. Don't take this as a sign of failure. You do the best you can, and the rest is up to the baby. You have not failed as a mother even if your baby is miserable much of the time. This is simply part of his personality. Meanwhile, keep experimenting with one comforting tool after another, and you will eventually discover one that works - - at least for that day. Then you will feel like a genius! Keep your detective hat on to find clues to your baby's discomfort. Constant trial and error is how you build up your baby-soothing abilities.
8. "UNPREDICTABLE"
Along with their unpredictability, these children show extremes of mood swings. When happy, they are a joy to be around; they are master charmers and people pleasers. When angry, they let everyone around them feel the heat.
When he is happy, he is the happiest baby around, but when he is angry he is the worst baby around. He is still that way, sunshine and smiles, anger and daggers. He has no middle emotion.
The child's unpredictability makes your day unpredictable. Do you take him shopping and risk a mega tantrum when his first grocery grabs are thwarted, or will this be a day when he is the model shopping cart baby, charming everyone at the checkout counter?
9. "SUPER-SENSITIVE"
High need babies are keenly aware of the goings-on in their environment. "Easily bothered," "quickly stimulated," "like walking on eggshells" is how parents describe their sensitive babies. High need babies prefer a secure and known environment, and they are quick to protest when their equilibrium is upset. They startle easily during the day (for example, we learned not to turn on the blender if Hayden was anywhere nearby) and settle with difficulty at night. While you can carry on normal family life without waking most sleeping infants, these babies often awaken at the slightest noise. Super-sensitive infants are unlikely to accept substitute caregivers willingly.
10. "CAN'T PUT BABY DOWN"
High need babies crave touch: skin-to-skin contact in your arms, at your breasts, in your bed. They extract whatever physical contact they can from their caregivers. They also crave motion. Holding is not enough; the holder must keep moving. If the holder wants to sit down, it had better be on something that rocks, glides, or swings. This constant holding may be particularly difficult for new parents who expected to have the magazine model baby, the one who lies quietly in the crib gazing at expensive mobiles. This is not the play profile of the high need baby. Parents' arms and bodies are his crib; mother's breasts are his pacifier, and a bouncing lap is his chair. Most high need babies choose to upgrade their accommodations from the crib or playpen to the baby sling. They like to be worn many hours a day because they like the physical contact and they like to be up where the action is. Smart babies.
11. "NOT A SELF-SOOTHER"
Another unrealistic expectation new parents often have is that babies will soothe themselves to sleep with the help of a pacifier, a music box, or some baby-calming gadget. High need babies are smarter than that. They want to interact with people, not things. Parents will often report, "He just can't relax by himself." High need babies need help to fall asleep. They must learn to trust their parents to help them. This will help them learn to relax on their own, a skill that has value for a lifetime. Crying oneself off to sleep is not a good way to learn to relax. The best way for a baby to learn to relax and fall asleep is to have his behavior shaped for him by a parent. Once a child learns to relax on his own, he'll have no trouble falling asleep, when he's tired, on his own.The quality of wanting people instead of things as pacifiers, while initially exhausting, will eventually work to the child's advantage. The child will have a better grasp on interpersonal relationships, especially being comfortable with the quality of intimacy.
12. "SEPARATION SENSITIVE"
The song "Only You," could be the theme of most high need babies. These infants do not readily accept substitute care and are notoriously slow to warm up to strangers. As a mother of a clingy baby described it, "Amanda didn't like new people or new places and seemed to be in a continual phase of separation anxiety. Babysitters wouldn't watch her because of her reputation as a screamer. This was hard on me because I desperately needed a break from the intensity of my child."
It helps to see separation from the baby's viewpoint. To most adults, especially those of the "babies must learn to be independent" mindset, baby and mother should be separate persons, able to function on their own. Babies don't see it that way. In their minds, mother is a part of themselves, and they are part of mother. Mother and baby are one, a complete package. These babies feel right when they feel at one with mother; they feel anxious and frightened when not with mother.
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BukuBook@blogspot
u're rite..my baby pon diff. from others since die lahir lagiks.kekadang wonder, parenting skills teruk sgt ker smpai agak susah nk jaga dia (org lain suke ckp itu xbtl, ini pon xbtl).tp..baby is the hardest person on earth to be pleased (rasenyer la).tp no worries..semua yg susah2 tu menunjukkan that our babies are diff. & special from others. so, kita je yg tahu cmner nak jaga die.;))
by the way, may i know what website this article from??tq
hello,there!...is it ok for you to introduce urself?happy plak ade geng senasib..kitorang pon selalu org ckp ni tak betul,tu tak btul...skrg lantak org nak cakap ape..i'll do whatever i feel right for my baby only..ouh..article nih amek from ask dr sears..lupe address dier...tp if u type ask dr sears on google..u should be able to find it...i
'm buying one of his books bout fussy n high need babies...tak sabar tunggu buku sampai...!gud luck with ur baby too!